Sabotage… or fear… maybe both.
I got my life coaching certificate and I have said or done nothing with it. I haven’t even opened up the envelope. This should be a celebration as it was this goal I had and I achieved it. It was this barrier I put in place of me being this thing I want to be. And officially on paper I am that thing.
Then the imposter syndrome kicks in and I am not that thing yet. I am still just Amy, not quite good enough, who am I to think that I can be an agent of positive change in someone’s life. What have I done to deserve that honor.
Oh wait here is the list that makes me capable, in semi chronological order
- My dad left my mom when I was 1 and I haven’t seen him since. Yet I have a good life and am a committed parent. I worked through most of those issues.
- My mom got remarried to a man with addictions and abusive behaviors. I over came that and still found a way to love myself enough to marry a good man and not repeat that cycle.
- When I was 16 I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I then went on to do the unexpected and graduate high school with honor’s, go to college and have a really good life.
- I dropped out of college. I worked really hard to become a leader and now lead hundreds of people in the retail world.
- I hated and abused myself for 5 years. I have forgiven myself and learned to love me for all of it.
- I became very overweight through those years and have lost a lot of it. I am a work in progress and continue to learn to love myself enough to keep making the right choices for my health
- Infertility. After 2 rounds of IVF we have the best little ones and I am so lucky to have them. They are truly amazing.
I don’t think that list is it. I think there have been a million tiny lessons along the way that also allow me to have the knowledge and experience to help people. So what holds me back..
Number 8… I am scared
I am so scared to fail that I never truly let myself be all that I can be.
I am so scared of what people think of me that I hold back
I am so scared that I am not enough
I am so scared that success won’t be enough
I am so scared of the unknown that I just give up on myself
I am so scared the world will think I don’t deserve this.
I am scared because I don’t think I deserve this.