**Contrast is the word for any feelings or experience’s you might want to categorize as negative. When working with Mindset all feelings and experience’s have purpose in our lives and should not be explained as negative. They are part’s of life that are in contrast to the ideal. They are in contrast with bliss and joy.**
If you read my last post you would know that I had a moment. In that moment I was feeling lost and defeated and incapable of moving forward. I lost momentum and was not really doing anything at all to drive my dreams forward.
I realized that day that I had been taking all those feeling of fear and worry and pushing them down, bottling them all up with the best of them. I was not giving them the attention they needed in order for me to move on. Those feelings were fears and worry over Covid 19, the health of my family and friends, the economy and home prices. They were stemming from confusion with the alternate message coming out that I fear there is more truth to then I am comfortable thinking about. There was this feeling of being lost and unsure of what my message should be in this time.
So I was parallelized by all of it. I was incapable of taking any meaningful action forward. It got to the point where I was not even able to use my mindset tools and practices.
How did I even get there without noticing? How did I not stop this before it got so bad?
This is the power of your subconscious mind, this is the part of the mind that I am actively working on reprogramming, but as I have said before this will not be an overnight shift, this is going to take, well as long as it takes for me to learn. And that’s o.k.
In my auto pilot fear response mode, I just kept burying the real fears and worries deeper so I didn’t have to deal with them. This is a skill I mastered at a very young age as a means for survival that served me well in those times. A “skill” that is now an unnecessary auto response I still have. I don’t even know I am doing it as it is a gradual process, one feeling at a time.
I then start to get angry and frustrated much quicker then normal, annoyed at the littlest things. I withdraw from being present with my kids and my motivations and desires just disappear. I find a zombie activity like binge watching Youtube and coast. Being drawn to the very things that are causing me to have these feelings. Every day adding another feeling or two into the cluster. And the cycle continues.
I have not mastered the recognizing part of this yet, but thankfully my husband has. And he will point it out, usually in a single statement that makes me so mad at him for even thinking I could ever give up on my dreams.
But it resonates somewhere, and I think about it, and it mixes in with all the other feelings like a Mento dropping into the coke bottle, and not even the tightest lid can contain it, and I feel all of the feelings and in that moment I know if I am going to move forward I need to own them, and give each of them some space to be. Allow myself to be sad and angry and scared. For as long as I need to be. Until the feelings are just memories. This time it took 48 hours to do this.
And then I go to bed with the desire to turn on my favourite sleep hypnosis again and wake up the next morning with my power back, or enough to get things going again.
I obviously can’t say this is the healthiest way to handle emotions, and I know a life changing skill I need now in my life is to feel the feelings as they happen, to allow myself the space to do. I need to learn to breathe through the fear and worry. To talk it out as it happens and know that contrast in our lives for a reason. Amazing things can come from contrast as long as we allow it happen, without resistance. As long as we don’t give it more space then it needs. As long as we appreciate it for what it is, which is a reminder for where our energy should be focused.
This happens about twice a year for me. Last time this happened I went to the Doctor and had blood work done as it lasted a long time and I couldn’t explain it. I had everything I ever deep down wanted. I had my kids, my amazing husband, a great house and a good job that was flexible. So then I was sent to counselor, who diagnosed me with anxiety and gave me some tools to work with. Which actually led me to mediation and gratitude journaling.
And the power of those two things changed my mindset so powerfully that I started to believe in myself in so many different ways that I hadn’t before. And I allowed myself to dream and then to take actions. And I continue to learn to do better everyday.
This is the power of contrast when we learn to just embrace it for what it is. When we take the lesson from it and grow as humans, and move forward with acceptance for ourselves and our journeys.