I had this great conversation with a friend today. We ended up talking about a million things and one of the themes we often talk about is mindset and how we are learning to adjust our thought patterns. When I get off the phone with this friend, I am left always with this feeling of motivation and clarity on my own thoughts. This is not what the post is about but at the same time it is relevant to the idea of Allowing. By putting energy into this friendship I am allowing my own success by surrounding myself with like minded people who inspire me. A similar choice can be made in contrast to this thought of allowing success, which can fall under allowing failure and sometimes fly completely under the radar under the disguise of acceptance or kindness, and in some case an unwillingness on our part to see things for their true colours.
In this conversation multiple points came up that continually brought me back to this allowing success idea, helping me recognize behaviors in myself professionally or personally that were actually not working in ways I had intended, and have actually been holding me back from allowing my own success.
In business and life I focus my intentions on the good in people, the potential of those around me. I make it my mission to establish a strong rapport with my immediate team and create a safe environment for growth. But when does that relationship get in the way of allowing success? If you make failure too comfortable are you saying its ok to not be successful? Have you ever found your self making an excuse for someone because of that relationship and investment that you have with that person. I can think of the ways I have seen this is business, we make excuses based on that persons personal life, or demographics of the business changing, or not having a strong support around that person. You might be thinking well, those are great reasons for success to be in short supply, but are they? Now I am not saying these are not perfectly valid points for discussion, what we have are growth points that need to result in a forward movement plan in response.
So what am I saying then, your confused, valid not valid? Which is it? If fundamentally you can wrap your head around the idea of the age old saying “winners win”, which is a point we can all agree on I am sure. Then by allowing reasons for there not be successful, do we take away the focus on finding and acknowledging success which results in less wins for said person or team. And by doing this do we cause them to become “losers” or mere participants because they are no longer winning?
Fast forward a month or a year, due to this pattern of allowing failure you have now fully created a mindset of lack and no one is able to see how you got there so the reasons continue and if no drastic action is taken, the pattern continues.
This is what I call allowing failure, it comes from no ill intention or expectation, its grows innocently, through kindness, acceptance, and, understanding which are terms we would not ever label as bad or wrong. Yet still leads us to this place of lost momentum.
I will give you a personal story on another way this idea manifested in my personal life. I have this idea of myself as being a bit of an advocate and truth speaker. I was also given the “Bull in a China Shop” award from one of my sports teams as a youth. This theme continued through my life, later in which I was told one that I should consider working on my “shitty first draft” a term coined by Brene Brown. As you can imagine based of these statements I have strong belief in my rightness, ( I guess that makes me righteous…which to clarify is not what I am going for…) and have put this idea that allowing my own success is in part being able to say all the things I believe will help people and be heard.
News flash, I am not always right, or have not always thought my ideas from start to finish, AND apparently not everyone wants to hear what I have to say. I have put so much energy into making sure my voice is heard, that when it is not heard for various reasons in which I will not get into here as that’s not the relevant part of this, I get upset. I get frustrated and beat myself up, I put so much energy into how I could do better I stop appreciating who I am. I forget about why I am talking and get caught up in the why I wasn’t heard. My momentum drops and my mind spirals.
In the story I just told you, where did I switch from Allowing Success to Allowing Failure? There are a few points in this where it could have happened but if you guessed that its when I stopped appreciating who I am then you are right. I can be mad and frustrated. I can want to grow or get better. The one thing I absolutely can not do is stop appreciating me for who I am, I can not stop being grateful for having a voice, shitty first draft or eloquent, I have one. I can not stop to be thankful for the bravery and courage I have every day to focus on making the world better in some way or another. This feeling of lack once again didn’t come from a bad place or out of inappropriate action, yet it appeared and reared its ugly head.
There are so many small things in life that unless you take the time to reflect you might not even realize you have shifted to this place. If you are truly desiring a life that allows success then you need to reflect on those moments of chaos or disappointment and really figure out at what point did you shift into the opposite. What was the catalyst? From here you can increase your awareness of what entering the shifts feels like and plan your defense by building up your resiliency and mindset focus for next time.